Selected Review of the Day: STAR WARS EPISODE II: ATTACK OF THE CLONES (2002)

So now that we are through with Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace, it is now time to move over to its as hated or more hated sequel, Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones. In this film we see that Anakin Skywalker (Hayden Christensen) is now a young man and Padawan (a weird title referring to a novice Jedi) who is assigned on a mission to protect Senator Padme Amidala (Natalie Portman) from an attempted assasination. During this time the two start to fall in love, despite having the relationship making no sense whatsoever and the absence of chemistry, but we will get to that later on. In the meantime we see that Anakin's master, Obi-Wan Kenobi (Ewan McGregor) is investigating Padme's attempted assassination as well as the creation of a clone army. This film can be seen as hated as its predecessor because it just has the same stupid nonsense that contradicts everything that made Star Wars so great in the first place, and it can be hated more because it has insufferable elements that probably makes Jar-Jar Binks tolerable. 



Starting off with the characters, Ewan McGregor is actually serviceable as Obi-Wan Kenobi, and is actually given a lot to do unlike The Phantom Menace. His side story is the most interesting. Late great actor Christopher Lee makes his official Star Wars debut as Count Dooku aka Sith Lord Dath Tyrannus. Though there is not enough of him, he still looks and sounds as elegant and awesome that Christopher Lee can be. It takes some time to get used to a CG Yoda, but he is worth watching, especially during the end where he has an over the top silly but still awesome lightsaber duel with Dooku. But then we get the aspect of the film that probably brings it all down, Anakin and Padme. Now you heard me say this over and over and you will continue to hear me say this as long as this goddess has a film career, Natalie Portman is a great actress, my favorite! But she is given little to work with here,! It makes her look bad and sub par to her other work. She is not directed well by George Lucas, she has a fake environment to work around, she is given terrible lines to say, especially when working  with our main lead. Enter Hayden Christensen who plays a young adult Anakin Skywalker, replacing Jake Lloyd, and now is the same age as Padme for some reason, even though she's supposed to be like six years older than him? I don't get it was there a time jump in the script? Is Padme still older than Anakin, but people from Naboo just age slowly? Are the people of Naboo so beautiful and good looking that they stay that way forever. With Natalie Portman it wouldn't surprise me. Okay, I'm getting carried away. Back to Christensen, this guy is supposed to be the redeemer of Anakin, after the bad taste left by Jake Lloyd, and folks, he's just as bad, if not worse. His deliveries are wooden, he always looks awkward and creepy, especially with Portman, which in turn makes her feel awkward around him, and he is just bland and stiff. Nothing this guy says you believe, which makes it even harder for me as an audience member buy into this supposedly romantic epic love Lucas is trying to present to us. Now I get what Lucas is trying to do here. He is trying to make this epic and grand romance that leads into the conception of future heroes Luke and Leia, and eventually horrible tragedy. Which is why I think George Lucas wrote all this outdated and weird dialogue for Hayden and Natalie to deliver. That and Anakin is almost always whining, brooding, and moping here. You don't believe that he is one day going to become the galaxy's greatest villain and threat. There are opportunities to successfully develop this character like when he kills the Tusken Raiders for killing his mother, but the cut from that scene way too quick. Biggest thing to take from here, this movie failed in selling us this supposedly grand romance as well as a competent and heroic Jedi that would tragically become Darth Vader one day.



I do not think I can say much about the visual effects of the Star Wars prequels without repeating myself, but again they may have look impressive back then, but a lot of it now seems radically outdated, especially comparing to the visual effects we have in our movies today. There are some stuff like the Naboo ship that Padme flies around in that looks pretty cool. But for instance, the asteroids that Obi-Wan flies through while escaping Jango Fett and the monsters that our heroes fight in the coliseum look really fake. Now as a segway into the coliseum scene, I think despite the monsters looking incredibly fake, at the same time I think they are creative in design. I also like the set up of the whole scene which gives it sort of a Roman gladiator feel to it. Something that feels welcoming and fitting to the Star Wars world. That's pretty much all I have to say about that.




Though it may have some nice elements, I believe Attack of the Clones to be the least tolerable of the Star Wars prequels. It's that stupid and poorly romance that brings all of it down. It's like majority of the film and you have sit there through boring and awkward scenes that you do not care for and you wish that end credits would just arrive already. It is filled with mistakes and lazy handling and I really expect more out of what is supposed to be an epic Star Wars movie. 


GRADE: CR